Normal Grief vs. Grief Depression

Losing a loved one causes mental and emotional distress. The grieving process is unique for everyone, and the healing process can take time. Some people will experience a normal grief period, and others will slip into complicated grief or depression.

This article will explore the differences between normal grief and complicated grief. We’ll look at the symptoms of both and give you helpful tips to deal with complicated grief.

Dealing With Sudden Loss

Some people will go through a period of grief where they experience painful feelings of intense sadness, numbness, anger, and even guilt. They may have trouble sleeping and even feel like they’re experiencing depression. Gradually, these feelings become less intense and less frequent. As this happens, grieving individuals begin to accept the loss and move forward.

For others, losing a close family member or other loved one is debilitating. The sadness does not become more bearable over time. This is known as complicated grief, and when it happens, the painful feelings last so long and are so severe that the person has trouble resuming their life and leading a healthy lifestyle.

It Takes Time

Whether it is a sudden death of a family member or a person who passed away from a terminal illness, grief takes time, and it’s not easy to know how long it will last. Those who have lost loved ones will each have their own story. Some people take months or even years to accept the death. Others will need the help of support groups or antidepressant medication to get back to everyday life.

If you’re struggling with grief, and time is not easing the intense feelings, you may wonder whether it could be acute grief or clinical depression. Let’s explore the differences between the two.

Grief vs. Depression – Knowing the Difference

Grief and depression have many overlapping symptoms, but they are different experiences with different treatments. It’s important to know whether you are grieving or have fallen into clinical depression because of your inability to deal with your loss. There are various treatment options for both.

Are Grief and Depression Really That Different?

Yes, they are. The American Psychiatric Association removed bereavement exclusion from the diagnosis of MDD (major depressive disorder) after releasing the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5.) In simple terms, somebody in the first couple of weeks of grief should not be diagnosed with MDD.

However, the extreme emotions experienced with grief can trigger physical and mental illness. It includes depression, anxiety, the common cold, and even cancer and heart disease. The American Psychiatric Association further amended the DSM-5 to include an additional diagnosis for people who experience deep sadness and grief for a year after losing someone.

The condition is called prolonged grief disorder (PGD) and is considered a stressor and trauma-related disorder. It is also known as complicated grief or persistent complex bereavement disorder.

What Causes Complicated Grief?

The cause is not known. As with other mental health conditions, complicated grief could involve your personality, genetic makeup, and immediate environment. There are some risk factors, such as:

1. Older females are more likely to develop complicated grief.
2. A violent, unexpected, or sudden death, such as a car accident, murder, or suicide of a loved one, is more likely to cause complicated grief and depression.
3. Major life stressors, such as financial hardships, can lead to prolonged grief disorder.
4. The death of a spouse or child could lead to major depression.
5. If you were close or in a dependent relationship with the deceased.
6. Problems with forming a support system can lead to complicated grief.
7. A person with a history of depression, suicidal thoughts, a traumatic childhood, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or separation anxiety is more likely to succumb to persistent complex bereavement disorder.

How to Know if You have Grief or Complicated Grief

Given the similarities between grief and depression symptoms, it is challenging to distinguish between them and know when to contact a mental health professional for an official diagnosis.

If you’re concerned that you or someone close to you have major depressive disorder resulting from grief, it’s always best to recommend professional help, especially if you notice symptoms. 

Recognizing the Symptoms

Grief and depression have symptoms like intense sadness, insomnia, and a lack of appetite resulting in weight loss. However, grief happens in waves triggered by memories, decreasing over time. Depression is persistent and present in all situations, not just when you remember the person you lost.

The grieving process will ebb and flow, and the grieving person will have moments of improvement with family and friends around to support them. Triggers like the deceased loved one’s birthday could make the feelings of loss and longing resurface again.

Unless diagnosed with atypical depression, a depressed person will experience symptoms consistently. Instead of allowing a support system in, a depressed person will be more inclined to isolate and not see anyone.

Other signs and symptoms of complicated grief include:

• If you regularly experience intense sorrow that gives you trouble carrying out day-to-day tasks.
• Not being able to focus on anything other than the loved one’s death.
• Excessive avoidance of reminders of the person you lost or extreme focus on reminders.
• Intense bitterness about the loss.
• Problems with accepting the death. 
• Regularly reverting to denial.
• Feeling completely numb or detached.
• Experiencing a total lack of trust in others.
• A pervasive feeling that there is no meaning or purpose to life.
• Being unable to think back on happy memories with your loved one.
• Not finding any joy in life.
• Experiencing feelings of self-blame or guilt for the death.
• Feeling that your life is not worth living without the deceased loved one in it.
• Wishing that you died with the loved one or instead of them.
• Believing you could have prevented the death.
• Feeling an urge for ending one’s life.
• Experiencing a drastic decline in self-esteem.
• Substance abuse.

If you experience any of the above more than a year after the death of a loved one, it’s essential to speak to a mental health practitioner or a trained counselor.

A professional will help you ascertain whether you have depression due to your bereavement and need complicated grief therapy. 

Is it Possible to Prevent Major Depression From Complicated Grief?

Complicated grief is so different in every person that there is no definitive way to prevent it from happening to you. It is best to learn about the symptoms and clinical features to recognize them and get counseling as soon as you suspect that intense grief may be morphing into major depression.

Here are a few tips that may help prevent complicated grief:

Counseling is Not Just for Mental Disorders

Those who have lost loved ones will know that it’s not easy. There is no shame in getting bereavement counseling, especially for people at risk of developing complicated grief and clinical depression.

A trained bereavement counselor will help you to explore emotions surrounding your loss. Effective treatment may include:

• The counselor will help you learn healthy coping skills to help deal with everyday tasks without succumbing to depression.
• Group therapy for grief provides a safe space where you can share your healing process with other people who are also grieving in a supportive environment.
• Using cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) to restructure thought patterns that help prevent negative thoughts from gaining a stronghold.
• Addressing harmful or unhelpful behaviors or habits and replacing them with helpful habits.
• Developing a new narrative about the loss to ease negative thoughts and feelings.
• Using acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) to improve psychological flexibility through mindfulness. It helps you accept feelings instead of avoiding them and is a popular treatment method for complicated grief.

A Solid Support Structure

If you’ve suffered a sudden loss, your first instinct may be to isolate yourself from people and process the death on your own. It’s okay to spend some time on your own, but it’s vital that you eventually emerge and form a solid support structure. It could include family members, friends, and social support groups.

Sometimes talking about the loss of your loved one, and allowing yourself to process the emotions, can prevent you from becoming stuck in the sadness. Talking about the loss will force you to confront it and feel it. Even if it’s painful, talking is usually therapeutic and can help prevent major depression.

Whether you talk to a therapist, people close to you, or even join an online support group, it is vital to have people you can rely on that will listen to you. If you’re unsure of where to start, talk to your doctor for a referral to local resources.

You may be able to find a support group with people recovering from the same type of loss you are or stick to family members. Whatever works for you is the right thing to do.

How to Help Somebody With Complicated Grief

If you suspect that a loved one has slipped into a heightened state of grief, it’s best to gently urge the person to get professional help. It’s also important to keep an eye on them in case they are contemplating suicide.

Suicide Prevention Tips

If you think someone is at risk of self-harm, don’t argue, judge, threaten, or yell at them. Get immediate help from a suicide prevention hotline like the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.

Conclusion: Dealing With Grief vs. Complicated Grief and Depression

The key difference between ordinary grief and complicated grief is time and intensity. Losing a loved one is distressing, but it eventually fadehes into happy memories of the person who is deceased. Problems accepting the death may lead to complicated grief and major depression, which does not fade over time.

Both grief and complicated grief have symptoms such as extreme sadness, a lack of appetite resulting in weight loss, and insomnia. It makes it challenging to distinguish between the two.

However, if your symptoms of grief depression are not lessening over time, if you experience suicidal feelings or self-destructive behaviors, you may have persistent complex bereavement disorder. In this case, it’s essential to talk to a mental health professional immediately.