A dark suit, a white shirt, a plain dark tie, and shoes you will not slip in. That is pallbearer attire, and the last item on that list matters more than the first three combined — because unlike everyone else at the service, you have a physical job to do.
Being asked is an honour and it is also work. You will carry something heavy, in step with five other people, over ground you have not seen, in front of a grieving family. Most of what follows is about making that go smoothly rather than about looking correct, though the two happen to point the same way.
For the general version, see the funeral attire guide or what to wear to a funeral.
If you own no suit, wear the darkest jacket and trousers you have and borrow if you can. The family asked you because of who you are, not because of your wardrobe.
The pallbearer dress code is the most formal version of ordinary funeral attire, and the reason is visual as much as ceremonial: six people moving together read as one thing if they are dressed alike, and as a crowd if they are not.
What do pallbearers wear when the service is genuinely casual, outdoors, or a celebration of life? A jacket over dark trousers with an open collar. Even at the most relaxed service, the pallbearers usually dress a step above the guests, and the family will be quietly grateful that you did.
This is the section other pages do not write, and it is the one that could actually go wrong.
You will be carrying between two and four hundred pounds, shared between six people, across some combination of: a chapel aisle, a gravel path, wet grass, a kerb, and occasionally steps or a slope. You cannot see your feet. You cannot stop and rebalance without the whole group stopping.
If it has been raining, say so to whoever is organising. Funeral directors deal with this constantly and will often re-route the walk or lay boards.
Most funeral homes provide white or black cotton gloves for pallbearers, handed out shortly before the service.
They are not a formality. They are there for grip — cotton on a polished metal rail holds better than a dry palm, and considerably better than a damp one — and to keep fingerprints off the casket's finish, which is more visible than you would think under chapel lighting.
Wear them if they are offered. If they are not offered and you would like them, ask; the funeral director will almost certainly have a box. And if you have a strong preference for bare hands because you grip better that way, that is fine too — this is a practical matter, not a rule.
Everywhere else in this guide, fit advice is aesthetic. Here it is functional.
A short list, and every item on it is something people wish they had done.
An honorary pallbearer is named in the service and walks with the casket, but does not carry it. The role exists so that someone who matters — an older friend, a colleague, a relative whose back or health rules out the lifting — is publicly recognised without being asked to bear weight.
Dress exactly as the carrying pallbearers do. That is the whole point: the two roles should look identical from the pews. A dark suit, white shirt, dark tie, plain dark shoes.
Two differences, both small:
If you have been named an honorary pallbearer and are not sure whether you are expected to lift, ask the funeral director rather than guessing on the day. It is a routine question and the answer is usually written on their running order.
Increasingly common, entirely appropriate, and the requirements are the same job with the same constraints.
Everything below is about carrying. For the rest of it — fabric, sleeve length, what works across a season — what to wear to a funeral as a woman covers the general case.
If the person served, the honour guard may carry the casket instead of, or alongside, family pallbearers — in dress uniform, to a set drill.
If you are a civilian pallbearer at a service with military honours, wear the standard dark suit and follow the honour guard's timing rather than setting your own. The flag on the casket has its own protocol, including how it is folded and presented, which our guide to how a flag should be placed over a casket sets out in full.
Serving or veteran pallbearers in uniform follow their branch's dress regulations, which override everything on this page.
Say so. Today, to whoever asked you.
People agree to this because they are honoured and then worry privately about a bad back, a recent operation, their own strength, or their grief. All of those are real reasons, and every one of them is better raised now than discovered at the graveside.
There is a role designed for exactly this situation: an honorary pallbearer walks with the casket, or is named in the order of service, without taking any of the weight. Families use it constantly — for elderly friends, for someone recovering from illness, for a grandchild too young to lift. Asking to be honorary instead is not a refusal, and nobody will think less of you for it.
The practical questions around how many pallbearers a casket needs, and what pallbearer duties actually involve on the day, are worth reading separately if you have not done this before.
Something else worth knowing: many families give their pallbearers a small memento afterwards — a keepsake heart, an engraved token, sometimes a share of the ashes for those closest. If you are the one arranging the funeral rather than carrying, funeral keepsakes are a quiet way to thank the six people who did this for you.
Do pallbearers have to wear black? Black or charcoal is the expectation for this role specifically, more so than for guests. Navy is acceptable. If you own neither, a dark jacket and dark trousers will do — see do you have to wear black to a funeral for the wider picture.
What if I do not own a suit? Wear the darkest jacket and trousers you have, or borrow. Dark trousers with a white shirt and a tie is entirely acceptable, and better than declining. What to wear to a funeral as a man covers the no-suit options in full.
Are gloves required? No, but they are usually provided and they genuinely help your grip. Wear them if offered.
Can women be pallbearers? Yes, and commonly are. A dark trouser suit with flat, grippy shoes is the practical choice.
Does an honorary pallbearer dress differently? No — dress exactly as the carrying pallbearers do. The roles are meant to look the same from the pews, which is the entire reason the honorary title exists.
It is raining. Can I wear a coat while carrying? Take it off before you take the casket. A coat restricts your shoulders and the sleeves slip against the rail. Most families arrange umbrellas for the walk instead, and you will be outside for a short time.
What do pallbearers wear at a celebration of life? A step above the other guests, but in keeping with the occasion — a jacket over dark trousers, tie optional. See what to wear to a celebration of life.
Dark suit, white shirt, plain tie, and shoes that grip. Empty your pockets, arrive early, and ask which side you are on. If you cannot carry, say so now and ask to be honorary instead.
You were asked because you mattered to them. Everything on this page is just about letting you do it without having to think about yourself.
